At what point in your life do you move from being a child to an adult?
This question has challenged great minds for centuries. But the answer is more simple than it may seem.
It’s the day you stop working more than 8 hours a day.
One day your parents become redefined. Up until a certain moment their opinions seem important. You feel you have a debt to them to repay their hard work bringing you up, providing you safety, feeding you.
But one day, all that changes. One day you realise that your conscious awareness of life, the world, the cosmos has transcended theirs. One day you say to your parents, “your opinions don’t matter, the debt has been repaid.” It’s this day that parents are redefined, from those who invested so much to bring you up, to the two people who’s prime and sole miracle, was to bring you into this world.
It’s this day, when you redefine your parents as the two people who lit the flame of your life, that you move into a relationship for real. How else can you look to the future? While your parents hold sway over you, you have one eye in the rear vision mirror and another looking forward hoping for a great life. That will produce nothing but half love, half truth and half life.
Those people who work more than eight hours a day, do so to escape their home life. They fill their mind, intellect and hands with work so that they do not have to face the turmoil of torn allegiance.
A 40 year old woman came to me in rage at her mother who had just stayed at her home for 3 weeks during which there was such strain and stress that screaming matches broke out. I mentioned “don’t ask your mum to be aware of her own limitations, she is in them. Rise to your freedom and see that you’ve left her behind in the world and your success and happiness depend on this. So, instead of judgement of her, have compassion for her unconscious state, relative to yours.”
A 35 year old man spent his summer vacation with his parents. He didn’t want to but mum insisted. “why do you comply?” I asked. His reply was “I feel bad about hurting her.” This is not uncommon. We do get manipulated by parents emotional moods if we don’t give them their way. But there comes a day when those games become almost comical.
Working more than eight hours a day is a symptom of a far greater problem: no life. If an adult is still bound to their parent’s opinions and manipulations they will still be bound to the inner parent, the dominant and lecturing self that shouts: should, got to, need to. That inner parent conflict with the inner voice of reason. It conflicts with the inner voice of intuition. It conflicts with goals and dreams. This inner parent becomes the guru while the real inner voice the one that doesn’t want to work more than eight hours a day, gets shouted down.