A billionaire usually gives his or her children a head start in life. Entitlement.

Their child might grow up using a $500 racquet and never ever try a K-mart special. Their coach might be an ex Wimbledon champ and they might have a great private grass tennis court at home. This is entitlement. To play with any less racquet or on a rough surface would be ridiculous to this child. I grew up hitting lumps of cow poo with the back end of a shovel. My coach was a my angry dog frustrated at the disintegration of what should have been a fetch-able object. Yes, it was a stinky way to learn to hit a ball and I’ve not graduated much in tennis from that since.

In our house, on a Sunday, we ate a roast leg of lamb. From the texture of it, the lamb ate the cow poo that I’d smashed for an ace over the back fence. Dad would spend 30 minutes sharpening the poor knife chosen to amputate pieces of leather like gnarl from the bone and often spear himself in his holding hand as the meat got tougher. We didn’t know different. This was our entitlement and as much as I now eat grass fed, hand massaged, musically entertained and gratuitously killed (actually they volunteer to die for my plate) animals, at the time, the boot leather tasted great. That was our entitlement, but it isn’t now.

My partner races triathlon and when she won her first event, a country hoedown in which she had to avoid kangaroos and snakes, we spent the 4 hour drive back to Sydney celebrating the $250 prize check, spending it 20 times over and dancing in the car to Queen “we are the champions.” This year, in choosing her events, and after returning from races in Japan, Korea, Holland, Belgium, New Zealand at an international level, she scoffed at the idea of driving all that way back to defend her crown. We evolve, leaving what was once our premium entitlement behind and grasping at the new ones.

A similar thing happened in Nepal. I first went to Nepal in the 80’s and could pick wild and free marijuana from the paths everywhere and eat it. There was no tv up in the hills, we’d be entertained watching spiders crawl out of flaming logs into the fire. Anything was entertaining and we’d even, occasionally, strike up a self made dance tune and jig around the fire. Kids were happy, never asked for a “pen” or a “bonbon” – ahh those we simple times when entitlement for locals was simply a roof of wood and a floor well swept. But TV arrived and along with it, tourists who bought goretex and alcohol and Cadbury’s and Coca Cola, someone smoked all the free weed and in its place came speed and ice. Things changed, entitlement for money grew, jobs didn’t grow, and so, crime in the form of a militia arrived. Everyone felt entitled. Things changed.

Your sense of entitlement needs to drive your ambitions and goals. Entitlement is a mental picture of what it’s going to be like one day. This entitlement is a memory based in the future. We call it a future memory and just like a past memory it can really drive your behaviour toward your success and happiness or destroy it. So, we believe it’s really important to take the high road and use the Future Memory to generate what you want.

In the ENTITLEMENT LAB – You’ll explore your sense of entitlement. This is a key difference between winners and losers in sport. The entitled athlete will defend what they feel they already own, the gold medal, while the un-entitled will attack to try to get what they haven’t got. There’s a humungous difference between these two states of mind in sport but it’s even larger in relationships and business.

Entitlement, or worthiness plays a huge role in our psychology of success. An individual might lose a sense of entitlement and enter a job or relationship that comes their way by circumstance, way below their real entitlement. This happens to all of us when the chips are down and we feel a little urgency to get back on the horse. However, it won’t take long before this “less than worthiness” choice reveals itself and there will be a pressure on to improve the choice. This usually involves trying to change others, which doesn’t work.

Entitlement improves by osmosis too. If we gradually get used to flying business class it’s really demoralising to drop back into coach, economy class for a long flight. So, as e evolve, our entitlement to many things evolves. Great sex is one such entitlement. We might be in a relationship where the sex is fabulous, steamy and wet and then, by osmosis start to call this “the benchmark standard for the rest of our relationships.” However, not everyone we fall in love with is “good” in bed, and just like going from business class to economy is a sting in the tail, so too is “bad” or “boring” sex. Entitlement therefore can play a positive and, as seen in the sexual world, a negative part in our life. 

Entitlements need to be let go of if they are toxic and negative, just as they need to be held onto if they are positive and motivating. It would be sad to end a relationship with someone we love just because their bed performance is below expectations, but, it would be appropriate to let go a job when the entitlement we feel is our worth, is not forthcoming.

Entitlement can be designed and awakened in so many areas of our life and this is vital if we intend to improve our life. Entitlement to more sales, entitlement to more kisses, entitlement to greater wealth, and entitlement to looking great and being treated great. These entitlements don’t always come by osmosis and certainly can’t be faked for more than a few weeks or months at best.

The Entitlement Lab is a space where you can remove any blocks to entitlement, raise the bar on those that are vital to your values and dreams and lower the bar where they are distracting you from what is most important to you. The process of removing disentitlement is often harder than we think. We may, unconsciously, be feeling unworthy of what we’re wanting to create. A good example of this is often a relationship when our sense of self worth has been measured in dollars or job promotions that doesn’t directly translate into love and romance. We must manage that transition well.

The entitlement lab is a 1-8 person study group made up of your work team, friends or family. It’s a day to put it out there what you really want and get over anything that could be holding you back.