How to Change Yourself and Coach Others

Change is going to happen. The only question is “what direction?”

chris walker

Life change is easy, but we often make it hard. You can change yourself overnight but your ego will resist. What is your ego?

Your ego is “emotion” ….

Your ego is an accumulation of random information you’ve collected over time to give you a sense of being you. You can’t live without it. But an emotion is a lopsided thought. And, can there be such a thing?

The answer is no. So all emotions are lies. Emotions are lopsided thoughts and there aren’t any. A lopsided thought sits front and back of brain, mind, so that you hear one side of a thought louder than the other. It’s a matter of observation.

If you hit your thumb with a hammer, it sure hurts. There’s pain and you’ll scream obscenities – first to release the tension and second at yourself for being so dumb. If someone else was holding the hammer you’ll scream at them too.

So there’s no balance in a thought that is experiencing pain. This means the body is sending important signals to the brain to do whatever necessary to reduce the danger. Including getting off to hospital.

But what if the perceived pain isn’t real?

Well, 99% of the thoughts you have, emotions, judgements, perceive a pain, beliefs or pleasure is not real. It’s perception.

The ability to manipulate truth, balance, is called: romance, marketing, sales, leadership, motivation, theatre, music and more. So you can see that emotion is important to us. Lopsided perception is a wonderful thing, the source of great attraction, pleasure and infatuation.

But what is the downside to emotion?

First and foremost it produces chemicals in the body that do not align with the desire to live long, it causes disease. The second element is that it can’t be trusted. A statement made to someone when in a state of emotion will have an enormous affect on that relationship because its opposite will come true and break trust. Like, I’ll never hurt you. Finally, at work, emotion causes breakdown in communication, torn loyalty and poor decisions, behaviour that leads to redundancy.

So what do we do with emotion? We can’t live with it, and we can’t live without it.

Have you watched a surfer of world standards like Mick Fanning, Joel Parkinson, Kelly Slater, Wendy Botha, Layne Beachley, Stephanie Gilmore. In their hands a surfboard becomes a magical piece of equipment able to do enormous tricks on huge waves. The very same surfboard in my hands would be a lethal weapon. Emotions are the same. We can master them and use them, like a great actor, or they can master and use us like a manic depressant or violent drunk. Emotions are emotions, surfboards are surfboards and in the right hands they are amazing, in the wrong hands they are disastrous.

It goes further. One world surfing champion just committed suicide. Just because we are able to compartmentalise emotions in a sport or business does not give us 100% access to managing them in other areas of life.

Total Human Awareness

Emotions can make it hard to live. Each of the seven areas of life have a pull for us. We want some aspect of all of them. We want happiness, health, family love, financial success, good career and knowledge that gives us something to offer others. Hence, sometimes the emotion in one area flood over into another area. We might get hurt at home and be trying to feel good at work. Hence, personal development as taught by companies, workshops and spiritual teachers can be very very flawed.

Total human awareness recognises that you are emotional across the boundaries of the seven areas of life. And therefore the emotions in one area can seriously impact another.

Emotional Awareness

There are seven areas of life and therefore there are six pyramids of emotion. Each has its own trigger. The seventh area of life is spirituality which has no emotion in itself but is the average of the other six.

The important thing here is to realise that the area with the lowest score on the pyramid, dictates your behaviour in all of them. A low score in one area creates an appetite for a high score in another area. This we call “cherry picking” and we do this to get away from pain.

When you work with someone who has a low emotional score in one or two areas of life, feeling sad, angry, hurt, depessed, it is really important not to become caught in the “cherry picking” process of solving problems in the area of pain by finding relief in another aspect of life. For example: a person in relationship struggle might even start to associate sex or success or how they look in the gym with fixing their happiness. This is trouble causing but very natural.

It is also important to recognise that a low emotional score in one area might be driven by a zeal for a high score in another area. A person who is getting great feedback about their appearance might become infatuated with those in the gym and resentful of those at work who balance that infatuation. (give them the balance)

Dark Times

Darkness comes to a person who is running back and forth trying to fix problems in each area of life as if they were a fire fighter. I call this the world of many gods. Serving a relationship, a business, a boss, health, self and family, plus, trying to stay somehow happy. It’s a serious nightmare especially if, in one of those areas of service, the person you are dealing with is highly emotional.

We are all highly emotional from time to time especially when we perceive pain, suffering or fear. We get emotional for a while and get through it, or the emotions pass through us. This is normal. But for some, a state of pleasure seeking, pain avoiding mindset keeps them triggering emotion even from the smallest event.

The life lived unconsciously takes just the same time as the life lived consciously. To this end we are aware that exercises and practice are of no value unless they lead to habit. A full breath takes no more effort than a shallow one if the former is a habit.

Chris Walker

A Purpose Driven Mindset

Your vision in life represents the exact shape and size of your ego. As your ego expands and gets bigger, so do you. A small ego cannot win the Olympics but might get you into the competition. A small ego might get you into a job but it can’t keep you evolving and expanding faster than your colleagues and therefore won’t be promoted over them. A small ego in relationship can work, but not for long. So, we are motivated by ego.

But the ego is very emotional and so, a vision set by emotion creates a carrot and a stick metaphor. The harder you work the more you feel (emotional) closer to your best. This is the ego at work. In relationship, the ego measures itself differently, approval. And so on around the different areas of life. Ego and vision are therefore really important to life balance and achievement.

However, steadiness, is not an emotional game. Resilience, determination, commitment and most importantly, satisfaction in life are measured by your purpose. Your purpose transcends emotions.

When you are inspired by some greater purpose, some extraordinary vision, all your thoughts break their bonds, your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

The Evolution of Consciousness

The growth rings of a tree represent your various visions throughout your life. You will look back to when you were a child and remember your dreams. Again as a teenager. And again in your twenties. Visions grow as you do and expand outward. So, you change in the direction of your dreams/visions, and this is the instability of life, things change. However, one thing does not change, and that is your purpose.

Finding your purpose in life is important because you’ll sabotage anything you can’t link to your purpose including your visions. You want to link your visions to your purpose. When they don’t link you get marriage problems, career problems, health problems and mental/emotional problems.

The amazing part of this natural story, no book theory here, is that this explains how nature (and humans who are a part of nature) function. Even a tiny seed has the purpose to create the giant tree and anything that doesn’t align with this purpose, is avoided. The treee doesn’t “know” its purpose, but it lives it. You don’t need to know your purpose in order to live it however, when it comes to dealing with emotions, knowing purpose becomes a critical component.

Nothing is in the way, only on the way.

It is true that we will experience times of emotion. This is human story telling and an important art. But if we cannot tell the difference between emotions and truth, we are like a person who takes a shower or bath with their clothes on. That’s not going to be good. To know your purpose means you can put the confronting challenges of life into context. You can make choices that are aligned with your vision, you can stay strong and rebound from emotional downers quickly.

So, before you start helping someone through their compartmentalised emotional challenges, it’s wise to first sort out their vision, and purpose. These bring the emotion to rest rather than “cherry pick” solutions. Then, with proiritised vision and purpose, solutions flow.

Recognise that if a person is stuck on a problem or issue for more than a week, the reason is always because they are asking the wrong questions.

“My work is a calling. There is nothing I love to do more than teach and share the magnificent sciences of self mastery. To see people doing what they love and maintaining the harmony of perfect balance is the greatest gift I know. People living with an open heart, peace of mind, a healthy body and a personal vision. It is a way of being where all the theories and practices converge to simply create a better way. “

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